I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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