he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
