P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
