I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
