she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
