I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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