I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
