Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
