Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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