Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how do flat chested girls get laid?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
