Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
