Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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