Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Holy shit dude........stairs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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