HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
