You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
