question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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