He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
