I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
