my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
