theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
