Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
