I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
