why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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