none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
