At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
