I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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