Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
