I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I didn't notice because vodka
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
