I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
