Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
