I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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