Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
