I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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