Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
