He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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