Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
