Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
