When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
