captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
