if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
