glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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