its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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