Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
