i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
