The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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