I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
