I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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