me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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