Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think we sleep fucked last night...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
