i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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