gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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