did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize