Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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