i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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