I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
