Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
