The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
