umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
