It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
