I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
