so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
