I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
