My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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