Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
