The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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