I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
