I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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