Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You ruined the universe
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
