Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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