watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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