I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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