Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have aggressive nipples.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
