As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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